


all things are uncertain

by enjolrarses



Category: Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson, 楽しいムーミン一家 | Moomin (Anime)
Genre: 1x01 - Spring in Moomin Valley, Body Dysphoria, Gen, Moomin and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day, i just rewatched this scene and wow did it make me cry, thats right its Moomin Anime Time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-28 21:16:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18764395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enjolrarses/pseuds/enjolrarses
Summary: He needs someone to recognise him, he needs his mother, he needs her so badly and she doesn’t even know who he is. He feels despair claw up his stomach until it engulfs him, chokes him with its black-tar.In 1x01, Moomin is changed- for the worse. A short look at Moomin's thoughts duringSpring in Moomin Valley.





	all things are uncertain

**Author's Note:**

> “All things are so very uncertain, and that's exactly what makes me feel reassured.”  
> ― Tove Jansson, Moominland Midwinter
> 
> I CRIED SO HARD AT THIS SCENE I JUST. BAWLED. MOOMIN ARE YOU OKAY. WOULD YOU LIKE A HUG. IM SO SORRY SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPENED TO YOU.
> 
> this probably won't makes sense out of context, but the gOOD news for anyone who has no idea what this is about/ has forgotten this scene is that it's in the FIRST EPISODE EVER of the moomin anime, where moomin hides in the Top Hat and gets turned into a something that no-one recognises (it's the pink cloud episode, if you're still a little unsure. right at the end).

It is a strange feeling, not being oneself. His tail is bushy and a horrible brown colour, and his paws are thin and curly, and his face- his beautiful face, his big, big nose and his sleek white fur- is gone completely. In its place is a stranger that he doesn’t know. Pink, furless skin and a little pointy nose (the sort that suits mumriks like Snufkin and mymbles like Little My and not moomins at all). His eyes bulge out and are completely colourless, and the teeth-

 

Well, they’re the worst of all. A mouth full of chompers. A smile that aches with its sheer, horrible menacing. No one needs all those teeth- especially not a moomin!

 

And no one recognises him! Well of course not, Moomin scolds himself. Why would they! He is so dull and ugly and horribly  _ thin. _ Thin and lanky! All the curves and roundness gone, just like that! It stripped him to the bone to know that they could just  _ leave _ , pack up and walk away and make him a skinny twig of a thing. What would everyone else in Moominvalley say? 

 

He throws himself to the ground in a fit of temper, bangs his fists on the floor like he can force the unpleasantness out of him. All because of that stupid hat! He wished he’d never found it, let alone had brung it home with him. All it seemed to do was bring him misery, because now he is  _ wrong _ and Pappa doesn’t recognise him and Snorkmaiden had introduced herself like they weren’t the best of friends and even  _ Snufkin _ -

 

He brings himself off the floor, goes for another look in the mirror, and the  _ thing  _ is still there, still haunting him. “Who are you?” he cries. “What have you done with me? This must be a nightmare!” He hopes, he  _ hopes _ it is. He’ll wake up, and it’ll be spring, and Snufkin will be there, and he’ll see Sniff and Snorkmaiden and Little My like he thought he had this morning, and he definitely won’t pick up any top hats.

 

He lowers himself to the floor again, while everyone  _ stares  _ at him. “I wanna go back,” he sobs. “Go away, you’re horrible!”

 

“Dear me, what’s all this noise? What’s happened?” asks a voice.

 

_ Mamma. _

 

Mamma will know him. She’ll know what to do. Mamma would never forget him, and she’ll tell him everything is okay. 

 

He rushes over to her and throws himself at her. “Mamma!” he sobs again. “Mamma, mamma.”

 

“Who on earth is this?” she asks.

 

“He says he’s Moomin, but just  _ look  _ at him,” says Moominpappa.

 

“You don’t  _ look  _ like my Moomin,” she says to him.

 

_ No _ .

 

Not mamma, she can’t- He needs  _ someone  _ to recognise him, he needs his  _ mother _ , he needs her so badly and she doesn’t even know who he  _ is _ . He feels despair claw up his stomach until it engulfs him, chokes him with its black-tar.

 

“I am, I am, please believe me, Mamma,” he cries at her. “I  _ am  _ Moomin!”

 

“I don’t  _ know _ , I’m sure…”

 

This has to be a nightmare, it can’t be anything else, Moomin would do  _ anything _ . He’d never steal the plum jam again, always tell Mamma when he’s setting off on an adventure, never dig up her vegetable garden or pick her flowers as long as she would look at him and see  _ Moomin _ .

 

He says something about looking different- he doesn’t really pay attention, he’s too busy sobbing, the hurt frying his lungs and burning through his veins, the veins of the foreign body, the  _ invader _ .

 

She shushes him, tells him to calm down. “If you really are Moomin, then everything will be alright. Just give me a minute or two, and I’ll know.”

 

But it’s  _ not _ , and he  _ is  _ Moomin, and he knows she can’t see him, and she’s not going to recognise him and she’ll  _ kick him out _ , and he’ll have to make him own house and live quite alone and never see anyone of his friends or be kissed on the nose by Mamma, and Pappa will never play with him again-

 

“Mamma, call me  _ Moomin _ , please, I don’t know what’s happened to me but I  _ am  _ Moomin, honestly I am! Mamma please believe me, I am Moomin!”

 

“Let me see,” she says.

 

“Oh Mamma, you do know it’s me, you mustn’t forget your little Moomin, please Mamma, please Mamma!”

 

“Oh, hush now, hush now!” She takes his paws in hers, and looks him in the eyes while he tries desperately not to cry more. 

 

“Mamma-”

 

“Shush,” she says.

 

He is breaking in two, he can’t  _ do this _ , it is the  _ worst  _ thing he has ever experienced. Nothing could be more horrible that this. He is being drowned in misery. Who would do such a horrible thing?

 

“Yes,” says Moominmamma. “You’re my little Moomin all right.” SHe folds him into her arms like he never left them and he sobs into her fur even though this gangly body doesn’t fit in her soft, plump embrace. But she knows him and she loves him, and he feels her soothe away the hurt and confusion and hug him even as he sobs, and the longer he stays the more comfortable he becomes.

 

“Oh!” says Moominpappa.

 

“Oh, Moomin!” says Snorkmaiden.

 

“Pappa?” says Moomin, and when he steps away he is wonderful and round again, and Pappa hugs him and knows him and finally, finally, he thinks things will be okay again.


End file.
